Sunday, December 26, 2010

Is it Divine Inspiration or being tired of the Nothingness?

Which ever the case maybe … it’s getting me motivated and forcing me to pull myself out of this funk I have been in these last few months. I fell so far down the “rabbit hole” and slipped into the “Never-ending Story”, I got caught up in the nothingness! It’s not the best place to be yet sometimes a dark descent helps put things back into perspective! I think since May of 2010 my life had began to change … it had too, but just I refused to see it. I was desperately clinging on to old ideals, and a toxic relationship because he needed me I needed him … blah … blah … blah! I wanted so desperately to make things work even for all the wrong reasons. Then I found out something about myself … yah no kidding … it turns out I am wired wrong I got this thing in my DNA where I seek out people to take care of and no matter how toxic they are for me I can and must help them. Call me a martyr or a saint but did you know I can yield that kind of power … I can change them! This is a classic codependent issue … that’s what I am … a codependent! Well this has been instilled in me form early childhood, somewhere along the way I began to harbor this belief that I am not worthy of certain things and that other people come first! So that’s just what I did tried to take care of everyone else accept for myself and when I noticed the ‘mirror effect’ take over my life I did not have the energy or strength to do anything positive to change my circumstance. I attracted the negativity I brought into my life! I was down too deep and too far gone! I began to expect bad things to happen; I looked for strife and drama … well when you worry about those things you invite them in! The power of your thoughts is a powerful tool ladies and gentlemen, be ever so mindful! You know the rule ‘Harm none’ well that applies to us folks too! If we don’t take care of ourselves we are hurting ourselves. Self-care is as equally important and essential to our spiritual, physical and mental well-being! I know folks with families and loved ones often believe they need to put their loved ones first I see where that may not be the best principle to live by. If you’re not well and can’t take care of yourself you can’t expect to do a very good job in taking caring of someone else! A friend told this to me recently and it makes a lot of sense … when you’re on a plane that is about to crash and the oxygen masks come down you have to put the oxygen mask on you first then you start to help others around you. Why? It’s all about survival folks! To truly live a healthy and meaningful life self-care has to be part of the equation and if not ‘the’ top priority! So it occurred to me let’s mirror good stuff and filter out the bad, let’s concentrate on happy thoughts instead of negative self-talk! It’s not going to be easy but for the first time in a long time I believe I am worth it! Now I have some awesome friends and a supportive family who always thought so but I couldn’t see it for a long time. I didn’t see it so easily in myself! I am not much for New Year’s Resolutions but I am making a few promises to myself this coming New Year! I am getting back to the root of self-care and I will take my sponsor’s advise … have a love affair with myself or at least try like heck! I want to embark upon a journey of self-discovery and I want to remember that the only person I can change is myself! I don’t know if any of you out there have been in a recovery program. I am participating in two types. At first I had a hard time with it because of the strong ‘Christian Sentiment’ it carries but I am sticking with of because it’s a good support system and from a different perspective the message fits any belief system. It talks about getting back to self-care and that should resonate in us all! I have also decided my poor blog has been neglected enough. I found happiness and a certain satisfaction in writing about stuff. Its therapy perhaps but I hope to share a lot more in the New Year! I will take my leave but would like to share with the Pagan Community at large with a really neat twist on the Christianized version of the Serenity Prayer. I hope you all enjoy!

Blessed Be Everyone & ~ May the return of the Sun Gods bring back the light into our lives!

Bia’ Aletheia

Pagan Serenity Prayer
God & Goddess grant me:
The Power of Water, to accept with ease and grace what I cannot change.
The Power of Fire, for the energy and courage to change the things I can.
The Power of Air, for the ability to know the difference.
And the Power of Earth, for the strength to continue my path.
So Mote in Be!
Copyright 2005 Pagan Sanctum Press