Warings Signs ~ On-Line Dating

So I am trying to get out there and meet folks on-line. I believe in giving anyone a chance and sharing some information with others but you have to be careful! I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and am a little naïve and believe in the inherent good of all people. This is a characteristic flaw because it leaves me wide open to attract the wrong kinds of people in my life who take advantage of my kindness and openness. So I met this guy recently on-line and we have been communicating and things have gone pretty well. I was beginning to really like him. We connected or so I thought! He messaged me off of some music download site and we friended on face book! We talked a lot about all kinds of things. He was impressed that I could speak and write in French. He speaks and writes Arabic, French and English! Everything was going pretty good and soon I was beginning to look forward to his messages and according to him visa versa!

But then the curious questions begin and he told me how sick he was and how he was in need of money and may not be able to work because he was so sick! I felt bad for him because I liked him but I told him straight up I was not in a position to send him money even after we expressed we liked each other. Then things went really south! He is Muslim and in his culture he expressed how men are the decision makers and handle finances and if we were to start dating I was to respect his decisions. Pretty odd for a American/Canadian girl who was always large and in charge! I was kind of flattered and liked the idea of a strong persuasive male in my life but is freaked me out when he made an ‘order’ to start sending him money so he can save for a green card and marriage certificate. Yep he asked me to marry him after 3 short weeks and then asked me to send him money to put in a mutual savings account! Okay at this point you’re probably wondering what the Hades was a thinking in prolonging this and marinating an on line relationship with him! Half of it was because I was sort of interested; some of it was curiosity about his culture and the mystery of meeting someone new. But I should have paid more attention to the warning signs from the beginning and not be flattered by the sheer attention. Don’t worry folks I did not send him the money and nor do I have intentions on doing so. My momma didn’t raise a dumb cookie!!! So now I think I will swear off on-line dating or at least with folks who live states, or countries apart! This guy I met was from Morocco! I think there is something to be said about meeting people in person then on line! But then again, in this day and age I know plenty of folks who met their true loves on line and have lived happily ever after. So what’s a girl to do?

I thought I would post some common warning signs to watch for when you meet people on line that I have researched and learned from my own recent experience.

Red flags for safe dating:
• Pressing for personal information
If the person is sharing or asking for personal information in the very first few meetings, that should be considered seriously. No matter how friendly the person is, considering online dating a little bit unsafe, one should in no case share or force the partner to share the personal information. Who knows if there is any truth in what is being shown to you. So always be on safe side and never disclose the personal information unless you are satisfied with your partner's information. Also don't send your photos.

• No solid contact info
They do not have any solid contact numbers, and don't offer resaons why. If any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a situation you may not be aware of:
1. You progressed to contact them over the phone, but the problem is you can't ever contact them!
2. You have to page them for them to call you back. Only they will call you but you cannot.
3. They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.
4. You can only call during certain periods of time. Again, if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone.
• Asks for money because Granny needs another operation
Since you are dating only online, your relationship is not that deep yet that your date should ask for financial help. Asking for funds may destroy the relationship which could become a long lasting relationship in future. If you or your date asks for money, it may show that the person's financial condition is not very sound which may push you away from your partner. Avoid getting into financial trouble by following a simple rule; "don't lend or borrow money".
• One sided efforts to continue the relationship.
Are you the only one making an effort in altering your lifestyle to have this dating relationship ongoing? Do you notice no efforts on other's part? This is a tell tale sign of things to come if you develop an off-line romance. You should be aware of the fact that no relationship exists for long with solely one person's efforts. If you find this happening to you, talk about it to your partner and ask them to meet you half way in your efforts.

Feelings of Insecurity
Is your potential partner is overly insecure about your off-line or online activities? Just as in any relationship, a person who is overly insecure about something can end up being an emotionally draining experience. Take a step back, and really look at whether this is something you're willing to put up with if the relationship happened to last two to three years. If not, move on and find someone more independent.
• Overly eager to get married
If you think that your potential partner wants to get married too bad, think about it seriously. His/Her eagerness to marry may be a sign of loneliness, rejection or feelings of resentment toward others. Such individuals sometimes marry to get out of their home or to avoid loneliness. However, they will often carry their past baggage with them into a marriage. It is suggested that couples take their time and not rush into marriage. Date a while and really get to know each other.
• Pressure for Sex
One of the biggest warning signs while dating is when someone is constantly pressuring the person they are dating to have sex. If your date pushes you for sexual favors, this is one of the biggest red flags. If you are uncomfortable with a person's advances, communicate that with him/her. You need to know each other more before stepping into such relationship. Their response will tell you how much they care about you. If they continue pressuring you, they are just disregarding your beliefs and values.
• Reality VS. Fantasy
There are many different viewpoints towards a dating relationship founded through the Internet. To save future hurt and embarrassment, make sure you know your potential partner's philosophies. Do they view an Internet dating as a real relationship, or is it a way to live out a fantasy life? If it's the later, be careful to avoid being their latest cyber fling. Remember, any dating relationship will have its red flags. If you're really ready for a relationship or interested in developing one, you'll be able to spot them, handle them and get on with your life with little or no loss.
1. Tell someone your plans. As soon as you have concrete plans, tell your best friend or a family member exactly where you'll be. If you have a mobile phone, enter some emergency phone numbers and bring it along.
2. Err on the side of caution. Just because you feel like you already know your date doesn't mean that you actually do. Treat this first date just as you would any other first date. Use common sense and good judgment.
3. Use your own transportation. Don't rely on your date for transportation. If things aren't going well, it will be easier for you to leave if you have your own way home. If you aren't driving, make sure you have enough cash in your pockent.
4. Agree to meet in a public place. Go to a popular restaurant, cafe, museum, park, or any public place where other people hang out. Double date with a friend if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don't agree to meet anywhere isolated, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable for you.
*** Use your common sense, trust your intuition
It's always good idea to take precautions when meeting people online, just as you would do in the offline world. The following tips are just some of the things you might want to consider as you begin online dating. These tips are not designed to scare you, but to encourage you to be smart, use common sense, play it safe, and have fun.
1. Remain anonymous. You should avoid being identified online. Start by getting a free, anonymous email account. Never give out your real name, phone number, or address in chat rooms or in personals ads. If you decide you want to give out personal information anyway, be sure you're giving it to someone you can trust.
2. Be honest. Be truthful in your personals ad and in online conversations. Make your intentions clear. If you're just flirting, be sure that the other person isn't taking you seriously. Being honest can prevent disappointment for both you and your potential date. Just remember - you could end up meeting this person. You don't want to hurt others' feelings with false impressions.
3. Always pay attention. Listen to your intuition - it's your best defense. Use common sense. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Even if you feel it, it's a smart idea to save saying I Love You for a face-to-face encounter. Pay attention to habits and moods - are they changing? If something doesn't feel right, feel free to stop communicating with that person.
4. Wait till you're comfortable to call. Let the other person bring up the idea of talking on the phone. When he or she asks for your number and you're not ready to give it out, politely say "no," but ask for a number you can call when you're ready. If you decide to call, pay attention to who answers the phone and the background noises you hear. Do they match what you know about the person?
5. Take it slowly. Spend as much time communicating electronically as is necessary for you to feel comfortable enough to actually meet the person. Don't be coerced into meeting face to face. If someone really wants to meet you, he or she will wait till you're ready.

Excurpts from ~ http://itscupid.com/advice/internet-dating-red-flags.htm

So exactly what is LOVE?

I have been asking this question a lot lately. Perhaps it is because I yearn for a deep romantic love, love for companionship that has a deep connection, or am I just in love with the idea of being in love! I am a single gal currently and not due to the lack of trying to meet folks and establish those connections for continued and/or prolonged relationships. Who knows for sure … I keep telling myself I am ready for a partner. I had been in a relationship for a long time less then a year ago and I thought that was love. But that relationship was mentally, physically and spiritually taxing. In fact, it was down right toxic. I put up with a lot of bull shit and abuse and mistreatment. I tried to accept him with all his faults, I even tried to change him but it only made me sick and more miserable. It was an illusion, the hope that things would have gotten better only if he changed and got the help he needed. I got help with my codependent nature, and realized the only person I have to power to change was myself. So I had to change my ‘stinking thinking’ and say its time to develop a love affair with myself. This reminds me of the law of attraction and that like attracts like. If I am good to myself then I will attract some goodness into to my own life. I have been pretty good to myself but I still have more to go. The worse thing I do is this ‘negative self talk' thing, thinking I am not good enough, small enough, smart enough, and don’t have much to offer. I got to stop this thinking because I am enough, and I am good enough! I am getting better and I have lots of love to give, and I have a big heart and I am a good person. I just need to remember that I guess what I am trying to express to the universe is that I am ready to be happy again and be in a meaningful relationship. And if the Gods see fit can they like send me a nice guy who is more then willing to meet half way and accept me for who I am and visa versa.


Now that I am done with the shameless plug of asking for a partner to share my life with, lets answer the above question. So what exactly is love? I know there are all kinds of love and not just romantic love so I thought I would share a few things the Greeks have come up with about love. So without further ado here we go!

There are several Greek words for love, as the Greek language distinguishes how the word is used. Ancient Greek has four distinct words for love: agápe, éros, philía, and storgē. However, as with other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words. Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were generally used are given below.

• Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard.

• Éros (ἔρως érōs[2]) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." Plato also said eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. The most famous ancient work on the subject of eros is Plato's Symposium, which is a discussion among the students of Socrates on the nature of eros.

• Philia (φιλία philía[3]) means friendship or brotherly love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

• Storge (στοργή storgē[4]) means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.

Note: Definitions derived from Wikipedia

To Teach or Not to Teach

I have a question for the Pagan Community at large. I would like some input and feedback because I believe in the opinions of others who have had similar experiences. Who better then one to answer such a question, then one who has walked the path before me, to offer such advise. I have recently been approached by someone who would like me to mentor them in the hands on stuff of the Craft. They are not interested in group work right now but would like someone to guide them on the practical portion of the Craft. I do not have any lineage per se, but have been predominantly solitaire. I do experience is group work and circles. I have taught at an online Pagan campus as an instructor and offered community workshops and local events. I have about 14 years of experience on my own path. But does this qualify me to teach on a one to one basis? I am quite honored by the request but this sounds like the person is trying to do things 'traditionally'. Obviously I am going to be forthcoming and let her know I do not belong to any specific generational tradition, but I have a feeling that this may be okay with her. She is looking for someone to practice with and wants feedback if she is doing things right. Obviously, that is a personal thing and what feels right to one may not always feel right to another. So my question is this, would I be doing her a disservice because I have no lineage? I think this would be a great opportunity for me to offer some sort of service to the community at large and provide guidance. I know this would be a large commitment and I am considering it but to those who have provided instruction and guidance to other (who may or may not have lineage), what is your opinion on this? Do you think its possible and what ground work or conditions should be followed in such an endeavor if I choose to do this with her consent?

Ganesha ~ Buddhi Knowledge

A really good friend of mine whom I come to embrace as a sister is all about the Hindu Religion and Culture! She has been teaching me much about the Gods and Goddesses in that tradition. She is not Indian but she is in Spirit!!! One of the most interesting concepts I have learned recently is the proper way to make offerings to the Gods/Goddesses in this tradition. They prefer 'fire sacrafices through the smoke of the offerings'! Since I am a Leo and my Sign is Fire ... I am all about the Fire and this concept makes much sense to me!!! Which probably explains why I like Candle Magick too!!! Any how one of the Gods I have been re-introduced to is Ganesha recently and this Divine Entity has fascinated me once before. When I was in college I befriended a classmate whose name was Tunuja and I when I visted her home there was a fairly large statue of Ganesha by the restroom in their home. I asked why was that there and she had told me in their Culture Ganesha protected people while bathing and had something to do about his creation story! Maybe my dear friend River can shed some light for me on how this correlates to His Beginnings.

What I thought I would do for know is share some interesting facts that I have recently learned about this wonderful God. If anyone of you want to share something not on this list feel free to comment and share.

1.) Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles.

2.) He is a patron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom. He is also associated with writing and letters.

3.) Ganesha is identified with the Hindu mantra Aum that personifies the primal sound

4.) A Mantra said to his favor is ~ (O Lord Ganapati!) You are (the Trinity) Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesa. You are Indra. You are fire [Agni] and air [Vāyu]. You are the sun [Sūrya] and the moon [Chandrama]. You are Brahman. You are (the three worlds) Bhuloka [earth], Antariksha-loka [space], and Swargaloka [heaven]. You are Om. (That is to say, You are all this).

5.) According to Kundalini yoga, Ganesha resides in the first chakra, called Muladhara (mūlādhāra). Mula means "original, main"; adhara means "base, foundation". The muladhara chakra is the principle on which the manifestation or outward expansion of primordial Divine Force rests.

6.) Hindus of all denominations invoke Ganesha at the beginning of prayers, important undertakings, and religious ceremonies. He is invoked when folks are venturing into a new business and or buying objects like vehicles.

7.) An annual festival honors Ganesha for ten days, starting on Ganesh Chaturthi, which typically falls in late August or early September.The festival begins with people bringing in terracota idols of Ganesha, symbolising Ganesha's visit.

8.)Ganesha was particularly worshipped by traders and merchants, who went out of India for commercial ventures.

Much of this info shared today came from Wikepedia and other internet sources. The Bath story told to me my Tunuja's parents is one I must locate because it still sticks out in my mind! With Summer Solstice just passing I thought it would be a perfect time to share some tidbits on the God with you all since He seems to be celebrated and honored in the summer months traditionally.

Oh by the way before I take my leave I am getting back to writing. I miss it and I feel inspired by Ganesha no doubt since He is a Patron God of writing! Thank you so much River for helping me to connect or reconnet with this God!!!

Oh perhaps my next topic should be on Indian Food! Nom Nom and a big yummy! Don't even get me started on Mango Lassi!!!

Blessed Be Y'All Eh!
Bia' Aletheia

Is it Divine Inspiration or being tired of the Nothingness?

Which ever the case maybe … it’s getting me motivated and forcing me to pull myself out of this funk I have been in these last few months. I fell so far down the “rabbit hole” and slipped into the “Never-ending Story”, I got caught up in the nothingness! It’s not the best place to be yet sometimes a dark descent helps put things back into perspective! I think since May of 2010 my life had began to change … it had too, but just I refused to see it. I was desperately clinging on to old ideals, and a toxic relationship because he needed me I needed him … blah … blah … blah! I wanted so desperately to make things work even for all the wrong reasons. Then I found out something about myself … yah no kidding … it turns out I am wired wrong I got this thing in my DNA where I seek out people to take care of and no matter how toxic they are for me I can and must help them. Call me a martyr or a saint but did you know I can yield that kind of power … I can change them! This is a classic codependent issue … that’s what I am … a codependent! Well this has been instilled in me form early childhood, somewhere along the way I began to harbor this belief that I am not worthy of certain things and that other people come first! So that’s just what I did tried to take care of everyone else accept for myself and when I noticed the ‘mirror effect’ take over my life I did not have the energy or strength to do anything positive to change my circumstance. I attracted the negativity I brought into my life! I was down too deep and too far gone! I began to expect bad things to happen; I looked for strife and drama … well when you worry about those things you invite them in! The power of your thoughts is a powerful tool ladies and gentlemen, be ever so mindful! You know the rule ‘Harm none’ well that applies to us folks too! If we don’t take care of ourselves we are hurting ourselves. Self-care is as equally important and essential to our spiritual, physical and mental well-being! I know folks with families and loved ones often believe they need to put their loved ones first I see where that may not be the best principle to live by. If you’re not well and can’t take care of yourself you can’t expect to do a very good job in taking caring of someone else! A friend told this to me recently and it makes a lot of sense … when you’re on a plane that is about to crash and the oxygen masks come down you have to put the oxygen mask on you first then you start to help others around you. Why? It’s all about survival folks! To truly live a healthy and meaningful life self-care has to be part of the equation and if not ‘the’ top priority! So it occurred to me let’s mirror good stuff and filter out the bad, let’s concentrate on happy thoughts instead of negative self-talk! It’s not going to be easy but for the first time in a long time I believe I am worth it! Now I have some awesome friends and a supportive family who always thought so but I couldn’t see it for a long time. I didn’t see it so easily in myself! I am not much for New Year’s Resolutions but I am making a few promises to myself this coming New Year! I am getting back to the root of self-care and I will take my sponsor’s advise … have a love affair with myself or at least try like heck! I want to embark upon a journey of self-discovery and I want to remember that the only person I can change is myself! I don’t know if any of you out there have been in a recovery program. I am participating in two types. At first I had a hard time with it because of the strong ‘Christian Sentiment’ it carries but I am sticking with of because it’s a good support system and from a different perspective the message fits any belief system. It talks about getting back to self-care and that should resonate in us all! I have also decided my poor blog has been neglected enough. I found happiness and a certain satisfaction in writing about stuff. Its therapy perhaps but I hope to share a lot more in the New Year! I will take my leave but would like to share with the Pagan Community at large with a really neat twist on the Christianized version of the Serenity Prayer. I hope you all enjoy!

Blessed Be Everyone & ~ May the return of the Sun Gods bring back the light into our lives!

Bia’ Aletheia

Pagan Serenity Prayer
God & Goddess grant me:
The Power of Water, to accept with ease and grace what I cannot change.
The Power of Fire, for the energy and courage to change the things I can.
The Power of Air, for the ability to know the difference.
And the Power of Earth, for the strength to continue my path.
So Mote in Be!
Copyright 2005 Pagan Sanctum Press

Beware of the Komodo Dragon ~ Dreamt 2004

I was naked, thin and pale standing in a basement of this abandon house, or so I thought. My first instinct was to look for clothing and especially shoes because of the debris I felt on the floor beneath my achy feet. I heard this voice inside my head say “beware of the Komodo Dragon”. Looking up towards the ceiling on the wall I could see this lump hidden behind the white paint crawling down towards me. You could not see the object other than this strange bulge on the wall itself. It was as if this object moved through a thin layer of white paper. It began to move at an angle and as it drew closer it entered this dark closet before me. I noticed some clothing hanging there and a few empty hangers. I tried to focus my eyes at the bottom of the closet to see where this object disappeared to. It magically appeared from behind this white sheet. It was magnificently orange gold and green, very lizard like with webbed feet. It had a stout hammer like head as well. Its eyes glowed like red rubies as it peered up at me. I then heard it hiss and the creature lunged at me and bit my shin. I fell to the floor messaging my legs and feet as the creature slid back into the wall with an eerie growling noise. I looked up towards the ceiling which was unusually high with platforms and rafters. Above the white walls you could see brick inlay and uncompleted carpentry work. You could also see many of these creatures scurrying about in the rafters staring back at me with those luminescent red eyes. Where the white walls met the rafters you could also see many bulges where these lizard like creatures crawled. For a moment I felt dizzy as I watched the wall dance by their slick movements. It as if I was entranced by a belly dancer who moved hypnotically behind a curtain or veil of white satin. Again, I heard the voice inside my head “beware of the Komodo Dragon”.

Naked and confused I stood up and began to remove the clothing form the closet. Systematically I began to dress as I inspected thoroughly each item of clothing. First I put on a pair of sleek black slacks, form fitting yet soft and comfortable. Then I put on this reddish brown sweater which was also form fitting and soft. The sleeves were long and covered a portion of my hand almost up to the base of my fingers. I then noticed a mirror on the door and I began to examine the outfit I wore. I felt confident, warm and comfortable. As I looked down at my bare feet I could remember wishing for shoes. I then noticed a pair of tan leather work boots sitting in the closet. I sat back on the floor to put the shoes on. I looked up at the creatures lurking about in the wall and on the rafters and I thought to myself if I put these on everything will be fine. Once I tied the last shoe and stood up firmly I felt sturdy, safe and confident again. I noticed a staircase from this strange basement and ascended them. I entered this kitchen where a family was gathered preparing a meal. I was asked to join them for supper. I accepted the invitation, ate cautiously, assisted with clean up, and then took my leave. I woke shortly after I heard the voice inside my head say “beware of the Komodo Dragon”!

A Common Thread!

I borrowed this book from my friend by Grimassi called "Spirit of the Witch" and let me tell you one thing right off the bat in Chapter One, I was struck by a ton of bricks! Grimassi says this about different religions, traditions and denominations;

"The differences we find in rituals that exist in different cultures lie in the way things are done, and not the reason. The beliefs we find differ little as well, bearing different labels and descriptions for essentially the same tenets. Despite this, the need seems to exist among humans to not only create different religions but also different denominations within a specific religion. As a species we seem to expend a great deal of energy focused on what separates us from one another rather than what unites us".

The author further states that the issue is we are all attempting to reach the same spiritual goal(s) but it is a matter of looking at it from a different perspective or viewpoint, we may take a different path to get there but we are all trying to achieve pretty much the same thing! He tells this folk tale to illustrate his point which I will site here but am unsure of its author:

Many centuries ago their lived a women who was a great spiritual teacher. She drew many seekers of the teachings she revealed, and around her formed a group of devoted disciples. After many years of study her disciples left and journeyed to other lands, hoping to spread the teachings they have learned.

The years went by and one day the disciples returned and sought out their old teacher. Once the found her, the disciples posed a question to the master. "We have," their spokesperson remarked, "travelled to many lands, and discovered many different teachings that are unlike the ways you have taught us." The master calmly nodded in acknowledgment, and the disciple continued, "Therefore we are confused, so can you tell us what is the true religion?"

The master looked up with a patient smile and replied, "All of the religions in the world are like individual pearls. Each of them formed around a different grain of sand, in different waters, under different conditions." Then the master looked directly at the spokesperson and spoke softly saying, "But if you ask me which is the true pearl, I will tell you none of them are the one true pearl. Instead, the truth is the thread that runs through, holding them together as a necklace, and that is the one truth you seek!"

I thought this rather profound because it is another testament if you will that if we spend more time looking for a 'common thread' there would be a lot less strife in the world around us!

Blessed Be ~ Bia' Aletheia

*** Truth is in the thread that unites us!

Word count ~ lol just kidding!